Tidbits.

This is an actual transcript of a conversation that occurred between two of my roommates, Audrey and Allie, three days ago:

Audrey: "So, Rachel. Why don't you tell Allie what you were doing this morning with that saucer full of milk?"

Allie (cheerily and indulgently, without waiting for an answer): "Trying to lap it up like a cat?"

Rachel: (Silence. A sheepish grin.)


I don't know whether I should be pleased that Allie knows me well enough to make that guess correctly on the first try or offended that she automatically assumes the weirdest about me. (And is, therefore, correct.) In my defense, though: have you ever seen a cat lap up a saucer full of milk? It's only, like, the coolest thing ever. Their tongues are like itty-bitty hummingbird wings, and suddenly--BOOM! The milk's gone. I figured it was worth a try, seeing if I could emulate their semi-prehensile tongue special effects. Alas, I was unable to. I picked out the smallest bowl we had in the apartment, filled it with milk, and then assiduously set about trying to drink it with only my tongue.

This resulted mostly in my snorting milk up my nose and accidentally dunking my chin in a cool milk bath. It also resulted in a lot of Audrey making fun of me. For being dumb, a weirdo, crazy, messy--the usual litany of complaints. Kayla was slightly more accepting. And for this reason her Christmas present will be slightly better. (Take that, Audrina!)